I went to St. Dorothy’s retreat meeting the other day.
We were in our little groups discussing when each of us were “blinded”
I told my group that I am currently “blind”.
“The past few months, I’ve been hitting the chapel a lot… and when I pray, I can feel the power of my prayers… My heart would be absolutely in it… But lately, these past few days, it’s just not the same… I would pray, but my heart would feel numb. I can’t feel it anymore. So that’s where I feel blind… I want to give up many times… but, I would hear LOUD thoughts in the chapel, telling me to keep praying…”
My friend Mario smiled at me, and told me “I like how you say ‘hit the chapel’ as if you were gonna go ‘hit’ the gym… that’s awesome. And it’s like that…
You said that when you hit the chapel you pray and pray and keep repeating your prayers because you trust in God and that His ‘regiment’ is what’s right for just like going to the gym, when you go to the gym you go to keep your body healthy and you have to do things repetitively and overtime and if you go enough you get stronger, so the chapel makes your soul strong like the gym makes your body strong.”
My voice doesn’t have to be something tangible for you to hear…
for my voice is my heart.
You can “hear” parts of it through patient silence.
You can hear it when it’s actually said: “I love you.”
You can “hear” parts of it through the art I create, the writings I write, through the life I live.
October 24th 2012
Just came home from the chapel.
I was arguing with my Lord on the subject of Power.
It isn’t fair to me how people would use me in order to gain power… to gain “popularity”…
I am normal as ever, while everyone is out boasting their butts off of something.
Soon enough, through the simplest of words, he tells me, “Power is within patience.”
(Writing in the Chapel)
The tears he shed as he prayed the rosary does not come to waste.
Each tear is a treasure in Heaven, each that trickled down his face.
“Offer them up”, Mother said, “for they will turn into diamonds…
Diamond roses that will be very much enlivened.
For the tears you offer me will solidify into immense beauty….
Each characterized by the depths of your care and most giving love.
Such tears are treasures here in Heaven above.”
“Christ has no body now, but yours.
No hands, no feet on earth, but yours.
Yours are the eyes through which
Christ looks compassion into the world.
Yours are the feet
with which Christ walks to do good.
Yours are the hands
with which Christ blesses the world.”
Sep 16th, 2012
I felt so alone today.
When I went to receive the Eucharist I felt immense chills that went through my body. It came at me so random, yet so powerful. I began to tear up - realizing that I will always have my Lord.
After mass, a priest from Italy brought to our church one of St. Dorothy’s relic. My friend prayed over me and said while he was praying, he saw the relic pulse.
Prayed at the chapel for a few hours today.
In need of a nap, I had the option to rest in the bed of my own, or the uncomfortable chair of the chapel.
I tried to leave the chapel a few times, but every time it happened, I couldn’t - plans with friends got cancelled, and at the same time, my heart yearned to stay.
So? I chose the chapel - I wanted to rest in my Lord’s presence.
I soon drifted to sleep in the most uncomfortable position ever.
As soon as that happened, I heard a beautiful voice of an angel.
It was a male voice.
His voice was so strong, yet so soft and beautiful.
Coming from his heart, he sang his hymn with pure love and joy.
The instruments that accompanied him were out of this world, and were just as beautiful.
Such beauty made me want to wake up and hear more.
As I slowly got my conscious back, something in my told me to go back to sleep, but out of stubbornness, I didn’t.
As I slowly got back to my waking, the angel’s voice slowly dyed out.
Once fully awake, I didn’t hear the music anymore.
I looked at the time, and it was 3 pm (- “the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice ‘Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?’ … And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.”)
My Lord gave me an armor.
Love - for it to grow stronger.
Hate - for it to grow weaker.
This armor is what leads them to new life.
This armor is the face of Christ.
I ran to the chapel tonight, for it had been too long.
In deep prayer, I opened my hands to my Lord.
The reason of which I do not know was the creative hand trembling.
I soon felt His glorious light splash me like a crashing wave.
Was this grace?
Eyes still closed, I saw a vision of the words “Timothy 6:10”
Timothy 6:10 - “For the love of money is the root of all evils, and some people in their desire for it have strayed from faith and have pierced themselves with pain.”
I know this experience was to remind me to continuously humble myself; to remind myself “where I come from” - I come from my Lord.
#Gnarly #TrippingOut #Blessed #Humbled #Loved
I just got home from XLT a praise and worship shindig at my parish.
I was praying.
After XLT I came and hug my friend Josh and said my Hi’s to him.
He asked me whats been going on etc, and so I told him.
I eventually tell him an experience I had just about a month ago… But I didnt want to jot it down as a jouirnal entry at all because I dont want to even want to FATHOM with it.
I started praying this for about a year or so now.. Not all the time, but on rare occasions I would jsut asked Jesus… I want to know the pain you’ve went through for us. I want to feel it.
About a month ago, I had this experience through a vivid dream… I remember looking down at my palms, and all of a sudden rivers of blood came out of my palms… I remember feeling this pain in my dream. I remember screaming to God saying I dont want it anymore. It was unbearable. I remember the bleeding wouldnt stop. And I was in immense pain… Even when I am thinking abotu it now, I can somewhat remember the feeling of it all… It’s knee bending… I remember I was in so much pain and screamed to God to please make it stop… and immediately after, I woke up.
I even told him during XLT as I was praying… I felt a soft gentle wind behind me and that I felt a presence behind me.
After that he told me when he saw me praying he said I was so serene and that when I was praying I looked angelic.
Which I thought was quite funny because… I was worried people would be looking at me because I get awkward when Im in front of a lot of people..
When I was praying against the mosntrance I dont know why, but I had this STRONG URGE to grip it… I was too nervous at frist because of what they would think of me… But evetnually I did it.. and soon after that, that was when I felt the presence behind me.
He said I looked like I was in ecstasy.